Anxiety at Gigs

It was just before Christmas, when I went to see a band called Daisyhead. I'm not going to claim I am a fan as such, and I had only really listened to them from being in the same room as my boyfriend when he had been listening to them. It had been a band he has wanted to see for such a long time, and I just went along for the ride.

Despite this, I was looking forward to it for a number one reasons; firstly, I actually enjoyed the sound of their music (which is unusual for me, as we both share different tastes for the majority), and then of course secondly the obvious; It was a gig, nothing quite beats live music. Thirdly; it was an adventure.

Underoath // London Forum, May 2017

I was having an okay day. Okay for me at least. One of those days where you feel you can face a challenge; that challenge being going out the front door and tackling to horrors of London. Which I am sure many people will be able to relate to who also struggle with similar things to myself; London can be very daunting. But I did it, I got there.

But when the band came on. I felt stiff, unable to move, I felt claustrophobic amongst the crowd, and I was worried I was being watched. I felt very aware of myself and my surroundings. At some stage I even felt like I had to leave the room, but I also on the other hand, was too scared to move. This happens a lot.

The most upsetting part of it was that I was actually looking forward to it. It wasn't something I was dreading that day. I thought I would be okay. But then that's not always how this illness works.

I wanted that day to come home and write a review of my experience, I wanted to share this on my blog. But I couldn't even move my hand into my pocket to grab my phone, to take a picture. 

I have realised this happens more when I am not so familiar with a band. If I am seeing a band I love, and I am involved with the crowd and the band, then I ultimately forget about my surroundings and it has an opposite effect. Almost like I am releasing my stress and it is the greatest feeling. 

One thing that my anxiety will not have control over though is this, I will not let it. I would be interested to know if anyone else out there has experienced this?

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