I'm Still Learning Things About Myself

I'm feeling rather reflective today mixed with a tad touch of positive; something that perks up now and then, but usually takes a backseat. I think I focus too much on the things that consume me, you could call them bad parts, but in some respect they can actually reflect as positives themselves. 

What the hell am I on about, you are probably wondering. I'm not one to go on about my struggles, because every one has struggles themselves to some degree, and I am a pretty reserved person. Well actually, I am a very reserved person. But these past few days It's hit me, that maybe the worrying, anxious, sad part inside me, which I have struggled with my whole life, in some ways makes me a better person.

Of course, I would give anything to extinguish that part of me, but reality is, even when I find a way to keep these things at bay, it is always someway going to be a part of me, I will now and then have an off day, which is okay, It's just about finding a way to control it. 

Release

Half finished vases

I've realised how much creativity can help me. It really lets your mind go, and it's the only real thing I've found where I can concentrate, and switch my thoughts off completely, almost like a trance. By making things, and letting my creativity flow, and having something to show at the end of it, is giving me a real buzz. I've tried lots of things, reading, exercise, playing games, watching TV, etc, but other than music, this is the one thing that i'm finding relaxes me. 

I spent this weekend painting a pair of vases for my Mom, for Mothers Day. It's kept me busy this weekend, it's been something i've enjoyed a lot, and something that's in the end given me satisfaction, to give something I created to someone else.

Positivity

So, the positives, and in no way am I blowing my own trumpet. I've realised how much of a caring human being I actually am. I've realised that though I may worry a lot, about pretty much every mortal thing and more, I worry because I care (most of the time). With things regarding people closest to me, I worry because I care about them. 

I'm compassionate. This would probably get on peoples nerves from time to time, but I like to look after people, and animals. I think those who have struggled before, know how to deal with others who also struggle, because we know the pain that the other person may be feeling, and I think that is a beautiful thing. We should build each other up, not break each other down. 

I'm a great listener. I struggle with human interaction, I have accepted that only in recent years. But just because I may not talk very much at times, doesn't mean I don't listen to others. As I said, i'm not really one to talk about my feelings and thoughts to just anyone, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm definitely someone who would give the time of day to listen to anyone about the wonders of their world. 

Like I said in my title, i'm still learning things about myself, just like everyone else.