Anxiety at Gigs

It was just before Christmas, when I went to see a band called Daisyhead. I'm not going to claim I am a fan as such, and I had only really listened to them from being in the same room as my boyfriend when he had been listening to them. It had been a band he has wanted to see for such a long time, and I just went along for the ride.

Despite this, I was looking forward to it for a number one reasons; firstly, I actually enjoyed the sound of their music (which is unusual for me, as we both share different tastes for the majority), and then of course secondly the obvious; It was a gig, nothing quite beats live music. Thirdly; it was an adventure.

Underoath // London Forum, May 2017

I was having an okay day. Okay for me at least. One of those days where you feel you can face a challenge; that challenge being going out the front door and tackling to horrors of London. Which I am sure many people will be able to relate to who also struggle with similar things to myself; London can be very daunting. But I did it, I got there.

But when the band came on. I felt stiff, unable to move, I felt claustrophobic amongst the crowd, and I was worried I was being watched. I felt very aware of myself and my surroundings. At some stage I even felt like I had to leave the room, but I also on the other hand, was too scared to move. This happens a lot.

The most upsetting part of it was that I was actually looking forward to it. It wasn't something I was dreading that day. I thought I would be okay. But then that's not always how this illness works.

I wanted that day to come home and write a review of my experience, I wanted to share this on my blog. But I couldn't even move my hand into my pocket to grab my phone, to take a picture. 

I have realised this happens more when I am not so familiar with a band. If I am seeing a band I love, and I am involved with the crowd and the band, then I ultimately forget about my surroundings and it has an opposite effect. Almost like I am releasing my stress and it is the greatest feeling. 

One thing that my anxiety will not have control over though is this, I will not let it. I would be interested to know if anyone else out there has experienced this?

x

January Wishlist

Aside from the December Christmas Gift Guide I did last month, it's been a while since I've gathered together a bunch of awesome finds that I have my eye on. So being the start of a New Year, I thought I would do just that. 

Januarys a funny kind of month; it feels a little sad for many. The Christmas spirit has been and gone, and it's back to work for most. So what better time than to treat yourself, because of course, nothing is better than retail therapy.

H&M // Leopard Print Coat Faux Fur Coat

£59.99

10% OFF ON FIRST SIGN UP. MANY OFFERS FROM THEN ON WHEN YOU BECOME A MEMBER (FOR FREE!)

I shall not rest until I one day own my very own leopard print coat. I am a major leopard print fan. I have pretty much everything leopard print ever, EXCEPT of course a coat.  I nearly got this for christmas but went for the safer option of getting a neutral coat with no pattern as I knew it would go with more of my outfits. So this is more of a lust rather than a need.

FIND IT HERE

MOTEL ROCKS // STRAPPY LEOPARD PRINT DRESS

£30

25% OFF WITH CODE LOVE25

I promise this whole post won't be based around leopard print. That however, will come in due time. Patience.

I pretty much am on Motel every single day, because they are constantly bringing out new styles, prints, and all of them I love. They have been a bit quiet recently, but the other day dropped a load of new stuff. It was worth the wait. I have invested my Christmas money into some great purchases. Stay tuned.

FIND IT HERE

BOOHOO // CORDUROY SKIRT

£20

DOWNLOAD THEIR APP TO GET NOTIFICATIONS OF DISCOUNT CODES. THEY ARE PRETTY MUCH EVERYDAY!

Another trend I am into lately is corduroy. This cute lil skirt will be great to wear with band t-shirts. It comes in various colours too.

FIND IT HERE

LIFE CLUB // BAD SEEDS LONGSLEEVE

£18

Well, I think this is a bit of a bargain. £18, for a longsleeve?!

I recently discovered this brand, and this longsleeve is currently in pre-order. Not only tops and t-shirts but they also do pins and patches; they have some really cool designs! Another thing I loves about this brand, is they are giving some of their profits to charity; an animal shelter to be exact. 

FIND IT HERE

ASOS // T-BAR SHOES

£22

10% STUDENT DISCOUNT. 15% AFTER SIGNING UP TO THEIR EMAILS.

Probably a litttle too chilly for these at the moment, but I got my eye on them for future reference. 

FIND IT HERE

DOLLS KILL // TARTAN JUMPSUIT

£25.84

10% OFF WITH EMAIL SIGN UP

Tartan - check, able to be layered - check. I'm just going to put this out there though, I would probably opt out of the florescent top, until I of course become a lollypop lady. Luckily for us, this part come optional. 

FIND IT HERE

HAPPY JANUARY! 

x

My Favourite Makeup Products

I never realised how difficult it would be to make a decision on my favourite makeup products until now. I have a lot of 'favourites' but if were going to make this easier, I chose mainly products which I use on a daily basis. 

I think I have also shocked myself in how many products I actually use on a daily basis; its not something I have stopped and thought about, until now. 

I'm pretty boring when it comes to my mascara, at the moment I am using Bourjois Volume Reveal, but if I was to pick one I would live in forever, that's easy; Benefit Push Up Mascara.

So heres something about me; my makeup obsession is quite blatantly lipsticks. Until recently, it would have to be said that MAC were up there with being the brand I go to in that department most frequently. However, I'm trying to go cruelty free with my makeup products, so I haven't purchased any in a while. I am however using up what I have got.

There are probably 4 I go to and from on a regular day; Velvet Teddy, Whirl, Mocha and Kinda sexy; all as you can tell, are nudes. I'm a big fan of the grunge look for makeup, and I don't tend to try any other looks. As you can tell, they are coming to the end of their life forms, and now represent stubs.

If were going to talk brands here and favouritism, I have a very large place in my heart for Too Faced. I'm also an avid collector of their eye shadow palettes, though I'm falling behind a bit and I have some catching up to do. 

The Too Faced, Chocolate Bon Bon Palette is one I reach for pretty much every single day. (Again you can probably tell that this is a love of mine at the moment). I also recently got my hands on the Love Light Highlighter in shade Ray Of Light, whilst in Rome. I've recently given in and started to use this one. It is absolutely beautiful, perfect for my skin tone being a pasty pale girl, it can be both subtle and build-able.

ANOTHER brand love of mine is Lime Crime. This Venus Palette is to die for. When I said I love the grunge look, this palette is the  most perfect eyeshadow palette for just that. I can't bring myself to use it yet as it's too pretty, and I have had it for nearly 2 years haha.

I spent forever, YEARS even, trying to find the perfect foundation and concealer for my skin. One that will both last all day, have a matte finish AND suit my skin tone (pasty pale remember). Most days I stick to a drugstore brand; Revlon Colorstay in the lightest shade Buff. This is still quite dark, but if i'm wearing tinted body moisturiser, it blends in really well and is perfect for me. If however I haven't done so in a few days, I opt for Lancome also in the lightest shade, which is the palest foundation i've ever found. It's a slightly more expensive option but I don't use this as much as I do the Revlon one.

To conceal I use Kat Von D, Lock It concealer in shade N1 (lightest shade, see this trend?), and it is the only concealer i've ever liked and stuck to in my life. It's also the palest concealer i've ever found, and very very pigmented, which I love, because it means I don't have to whack on so much foundation. It also has a matte finish. 

To set my makeup I use Soap and Glory, One Heck of A Blot. I have mentioned this before when I first started using it, and I have stuck to it ever since. I carry it with me everywhere I go and throughout the day I give my face a little dab and hey presto, shine is gone! There's no colour to it either, nor does it oxidise. It's a winner winner chicken dinner.

Last but not least; brushes! I have to be honest with you, i'm not really one for using brushes as such, I prefer to use my fingers. Having said that I do love Spectrum Brushes, they are inexpensive and do exactly what I need them to do. So this one doesn't really break the bank.

x

2018

I'm having a hard time trying to think positively at the moment. My mind feels cloudy. I'm feeling reflective on the past year, but I don't really feel fulfilled by it. In fact, it makes me feel a little sad.

I guess in a positive way it's making me see what I want from the upcoming year. I want the obvious. I want to keep doing what I love the most. Gigs and music are my way of escaping. Just like many others. This will continue, i'm not ready to give that up yet. But next year I want to go to more, I feel like i've missed out on way too many shows this year that I wanted to go to but haven't been able due to financial problems.

I want to explore another part of the world, just like I did this year. But only this time I want to go somewhere that is more my climate, not so populated, and more greenery than concrete. That's not me being ungrateful, I am so very grateful, but I have realised and learnt more about myself this year about areas that I find bring me peace. Busy cities aren't for me. I love the culture, I love site seeing, but I am longing to visit somewhere surrounded by mountains, lakes, and the worlds natural beauty. That's where I find my peace.

I want to become more financially stable. This is my biggest downfall. This holds me back which I am aware of. There are problems I need to tackle first, before I tackle this problem. It is one that by the end of next year, I hope to have more in my control. I have ideas in my head, I just need to put them into reality. I need to have more faith in myself in order to do this. It's something I lack, which then leads on to destroying my motivation to pursue it. 

One thing that I really enjoy doing is this blog, and I would like to take it more seriously. By this I mean posting more regularly, because it's good for me. It's my own little space where I can be my own boss, and I can create content which I can share with whoever is kind enough to give me a few minutes of their day, in taking the time to read, or even skim read. I want to go back to my roots and create more videos. I feel like this without even putting real effort in will help develop both my writing, filming and editing skills.

This ties in with the creative side of me. I need to stop destroying ideas and tasks before they are even complete. I have started so many creative projects, and just left them before finishing them. I think this relates back to having confidence in myself. 

Wouldn't life be better if we quit any inch of doubt in our minds, and just chase the things we love? Too many people don't, I for one am tired of being that person. 2018 is going to be more about me. And it starts from right now :)