It's been two weeks since I knew I would have a doctors appointment today. Every day that got closer, was a day that my anxiety regarding my appointment got stronger. When there is an event coming up that I am not looking forward to, I usually work myself up about way in advance. I lose sleep, I overthink the whole situation, I get very stressed.
Going to the doctors is one of those normal events that may cause the average person a little bit of worry, but with people like myself it goes to the next level.
For my back story on this I will link here. But to keep things short and sweet; last year I fainted in public, I had a blood test and ECG, which on the same day was told to got to A&E after the results came back abnormal. After more ECG tests I was let out the same night. I then had a heart monitor on for 2 days. This also came back abnormal, which was why I had my appointment today to discuss this.
But in my own true spirit, this was not my first appointment. I have actually had an appointment before, but I cancelled it on the day as I spent the whole night awake worrying about it. Today though, I made my appointment, (which I am rather proud of - I know that's silly). I went all by myself! (Again some may find that silly).
Every thing is fine; the doctor confirmed that its more than likely anxiety, though he wants me to do one final test before we can 100 percent rule out the idea of there being any heart conditions. This sounds very unlikely, which is a positive thing. So I am now waiting to go for one more test. He wants to up my dosage of propranolol. At the moment I'm on 40mg twice a day. This is to help with the more physical effects of my anxiety, which to be quite honest with you, has helped a lot.
I think my fear of the doctors hasn't helped with the experiences I have had with doctors in the past. This is making me consider changing the area in which I go. My local doctors has never given me great experiences with understanding or making me feel comfortable about opening up about my mental health. "You look okay" - because I managed to get dressed and put on makeup. "You need to exercise" - because that's easy to do. Followed by the whole unprofessional lead up to CBT - which I never actually went to in the end. More on that some other time.
Today though was the first time I felt a Doctor actually cared? He was understanding, caring in his nature, concerned and everything a Doctor should be. I'm hoping this may now help my condition to be taken a little more seriously. But should that really be what it takes?
I would like to know if anyone else has had bad or good experience regarding their mental health with the Doctors? Do you dread your appointments too?
My friend came to stay the night recently by the way, the explains the photos of us hanging out. (I am now aware there are some bras in the background, this wasn't planned!! haha!!)
x
